'Burası Türkiye!' 'This is Turkey!'

The Sucu Cometh . .

The past couple of weeks have been somewhat of a trial, at least Sucu-wise. (patent instant translation machine: Su – Water;  Sucu – Plumber; İş – work; İşci – Worker; Reinstated – back-filled the bloody hole). They say that water finds its own level; that wars have been fought over the stuff; that Tommy Steele sang ‘Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink’ – I can vouch for these.

What follows is first and foremost a true story; the time-line is a bit muddled, the words are naff and the lines don’t scan too well – but then I don’t claim to be Flanders and Swann and my only claim to fame is that the Queen once offered me a shilling and I was stupid enough to take it! Actually, that isn’t true; what was offered and accepted was a day’s pay.

But I digress (again); with apologies to F & S here is my largely true account of ‘The Sucu Cometh’ or words to that effect! If you become bored there is a link to the real McCoy; just remember that J and I are still in shock so be gentle with us.


‘. . The Sucu Cometh!’

(best sung to the tune ‘The Gasman Cometh’ with Mr Swann on keyboards)

Our ancient solar system’s joints were growing thin,

With lots of limescale build-up, it was time to trade it in.

We woke up in the morning to a mighty waterfall –

So, ‘twas on a Monday morning that the Sucu came to call.


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


He poked the system here and there and sadly shook his head,

‘You need a modern system. I’m afraid that this one’s dead’ –

So we ordered up the finest one our budget could afford,

‘I’ll be back in the morning’ and the Sucu kept his word


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


Our shining, brand-new system was pressurised and this

Meant showering in our power shower was pure and utter bliss!

A week went by with water so hot that it could burn,

On Wednesday morn we sprang a leak and the Sucu did return.


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


He climbed up to the rooftop and did a swift repair,

Then showed the duff component – wasn’t his fault to be fair!

We’d seen enough of Sucus and wanted them to leave,

But omni-potent Neptune had a new trick up his sleeve!


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


The next day was a Thursday – the middle of the week

When the on-suite shower basin went and sprung a bloody leak!

With water running down the walls and a ceiling with a stain,

‘Twas on a Thursday evening that the Sucu came, again.


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


He came and stood and pondered and banged and chipped the grout;

He huffed and puffed and spread a lot of silicon about.

We don’t know if it’s working – it’s such a bloody pain.

He told us not to use the shower till he came back again.


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


On Friday things were calming down, we’re happy as can be . .

And then the village su supply came out in sympathy!

The village Sucu soon arrived with a bloody great machine,

And now there’s just a sea of mud where asphalt once had been!


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


They dug some trenches near the house and replaced lots of pipe –

And then they ‘reinstated’ it – but I’ve still got a gripe.

Whenever İşcis dig a hole and fill it in again,

They’ll always leave a pile of muck and the road is a chicane!


Oh! It all makes work for the working man to do


I was about to end this tale, but right before my eyes

Outside my gate the water spout has come as no surprise!

On Saturdays and Sundays nobody works at all –

So ‘twill be on Monday morning when the Sucu comes to call!


For those of you who have made it this far – here’s the original and genuine Flanders & Swann

4 thoughts on “The Sucu Cometh . .

  1. We have a village plumber, a small and elderly man who wears pyjamas, always. He knows the intricate and illogical network of pipes that supply the houses in the village and when he dies we’re all buggered. However, he is well past his prime and having watched him fit a new supply by running a pipe across a doorway, eight inches above the ground, I now don’t let him near the plumbing and just let him point, it’s easier that way.

    I broke the main water main five times when I was building the house, mainly by running over pipes that were millimeters below the surface, everyone took it in good spirits and pyjama man enjoyed the small windfall payments for pointing out where to dig to fix it, although the water spouts were a bit of a clue. Village life, sometimes inconvenient but fun, unless by now you’re smelling worse than the neighbour’s goat.


    1. . . it is mostly great fun and rather like an education in reverse sometimes. At least here our builder buried the pipes deep, which has its advantages and its disadvantages – we grew a fantastic tree in record time and marveled at the Turkish climate – it was about 5 years before we realised, repaired the leak and the tree promptly died!
      As for Billy Goat stink, we are wildly decadent here with a shower room each!

  2. Full sympathy – but at least they don’t cost a fortune when they do come. The last time our sucu came to fix the solar panels, he came minus ladders (I don’t think he has any!) and used our brand new dining chairs to heave his little apprentice up to the roof. 🙂

    Good song by the way. You should record that one! 😉


    1. . . thanks for the shoulder 😀 ‘Ladders -smadders’ I have a very comprehensive workshop and array of tools, once word got out nobody ever turned up with anything! The muhtar wanted to recruit me as a bekci – without any pay!
      As for the recording thing – I’m one of the few members of our extended family who can’t even whistle. see here https://archersofokcular.com/2011/05/30/950/

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